On my way home one evening, I was listening to NPR about a college student who started a project called "What would you say to your 20-year-old self?" - she asked mature women (in their 30s and 40s) to write a letter to their 20-year-old selves.
I just had a birthday two weeks ago, and it's time for a self-reflection again. I am inspired by this project and decided to write a letter to my 20-year-old self too. And I hope this is therapeutic.
Dear Elsa at 20,
Please always follow your heart. I understand growing up in Asia you inherited the "group think" mentality. You do whatever others think is the right thing to do. You are bored out of your mind when studying accounting and management theories that don't make sense at that time, but you still majored in business because all your girlfriends are preparing for the CPA.
Please don't take shortcuts. I know you are so broke in college because your parents don't pay a penny for your education, but you could have gotten into a better university. You chose the not-so-good one in Toronto because it's closer to the city so you can bartend to support yourself and it offers a shorter program. You will end up not enjoying school at all. You will take a year off from work, cash out all your stocks from Google, and went to a very good school to study psychology. However, that year will be time very well spent.
Living in Montreal for two years shapes who you are; the food, the fashion, and the beautiful French culture and language make you a person with good taste. Learn some French even though you are still struggling with English. You will enjoy conversations with the Parisian more when you go to in France a few years later.
Going through quarter-life crisis was daunting, but it teaches you how to make rational decisions in the future without hesitating and ruminating stuff for too long. Take risks with the right reason and deal with the consequences later. Money and security are less important than valuable experience at this age. You will regret not moving to New York City or London when you have the chance, but it's never too late, that thought comes back when you are in your 30s. You waited 10 years to move closer to San Francisco, but you will be glad to get out of the suburbia trap.
You will meet a wealthy guy who buys a BMW M3 and Mercedes CLK and let you drive them as if they are yours and pampers you with all kinds of luxuries in life. But, he is a bad news.
You will end up marry someone you love but not totally in love with. You are too young to get married. You will have too much temptations and won't know how to be a good wife in your mid-twenties. Thank god you are still good friends with your ex.
You are spending way too much time being someone's girlfriend till 31.
Don't be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, and no matter how hard you try to be the best girlfriend possible for him, he is still hung up with his exes. He is just not that into you and definitely not worth your tears.
Choose your friends wisely. You will finally learn to be around with people who are responsible, smart, kind, and can be good influences for you.
You need to take care of your health and the genetic issues although they are invisible and not contagious. They paralyze you for many years. You could have been happy much earlier had those issues being taken care of sooner. Stop being overly conscious about your body, you are only 91 lbs from starving yourself before graduation.
I am very proud of you because you are adventurous and a world traveler. You always meet local people and be friends with them even though you don't speak their language. Thank you for being open-minded and choosing America to be your permanent home. You love and enjoy the cultural diversity and the beautiful nature in California, and you will date men and meet friends from all over the world.
I am glad you are very financially responsible. Growing up having parents who are completely clueless with money taught you that. You will be glad being debt free and able to pay off half of your apartment by 35. It's good that you are never into designer purses and stop obsessing about fancy sport cars at some point.
Hey, you haven't found your greatest love yet, but don't lose hope. He will come. :)
This year, every single one of your exes sent you warm birthday wishes by phone, emails, or Facebook message of some sorts. I guess you are not that bad of a partner after all.
Love,
Elsa in her 30s
"It was almost like a closure — 'I know you made mistakes, I know your 20s were hard, but things are good now and I'm going to let these things go,' " - Cassie Boorn
