This is probably the sweetest thing I have received in a long time -
===========================
Si pudiese ser una parte de ti
elegiria ser tus lagrimas
Porque tus lagrimas
son concebidas en tu corazon
nacen en tus ojos
viven en tus mejillas
y se mueren
en tus labios
============================
English translation:
If I could be a part of youchoose to be your tearsBecause your tearsare conceived in your heartborn in your eyeslive on your cheeksand dieon your lips
Cousin found a set of old photos of our family and posted them on Facebook.
I am super happy to see them again because I thought they were long lost. I didn't really spend a lot of time with my grandparents in the past because they lived in Jakarta while I was growing up in Hong Kong. But I miss them.
This is a photo of my grandparents celebrating their 50th anniversary.
Being with the same person for this long is a big accomplishment, esp in today's standards. Our divorce rate in America is over 50%. I know and we all have heard a lot about how social changes over the years affect our attitude towards commitment. People these days jump into a relationship easily and also give up their relationship easily too.
My grandparents had nine children, 5 boys and 4 girls. Grandma was the queen of the family. Grandpa worked hard enough so that grandma never had to work a single day in her life. She was very spoiled according to my aunties. If grandpa was the head of the family, grandma was the neck. From the pictures, which I didn't know in the past, I can tell they loved each other a lot.
I used to think grandma was a very difficult woman and didn't want to get close to her, but now I think she was really lucky and I envy her...
Here are the scenarios -
Girlfriend #1 - Broke up with a guy she was seeing for months and she knew that it wasn't working out because she wasn't into him. He sensed that and called it off. She is sad.
My response: You knew it, it's not going anywhere but you are shocked because of the sudden detachment. It is more of a pride thing because you weren't the first to break it off. Over time you will realize it's a right thing to do. He probably had grown on you and was in love you. You love him but you are not in love with him. You will not be happy in the long run.
Girlfriend #2 - Obsessed with a guy but he told you that you guys are not a good fit with some ridiculous reasons such as - "oh, you are older than me", and "we are so different" (ie. I am Jewish and you are not; I am Buddhist and you are Catholic etc.). Geez, do we still live in the 19th century? I have met that guy and yes, he is charming, but you are gorgeous, smart, and seasoned. Why would you want to compromise to a shit head like that? He only calls/texts you when he needs help from you. Don't you get it?!
My response: You have so much to offer, why would you settle for less?! Men abuse women (both physically and mentally) only when we allow them to.
Girlfriend #3 - They had some great time together but the quarrels overtime worn the relationship down. It took her a long time to heal, and recently she ran into him on the street with a women they both know. She was shocked and that somewhat brought her back to square one on the healing process. This is a new friend of mine and I feel really connected to her so I feel sad about it too. :(
My response: It is obviously not meant to be and he is lack of the maturity (based on her description about him) you want in a guy.
Never go out of your way to please a man unless he has already done so to you. We know how to love, but we need to learn to do that only for the right person. It has to be a two-way street.
Girlfriend #4 - Her guy broke off the engagement. It is normal to feel devastated. I have no doubt that he still loves her deeply, but it is obvious that he is not ready for such a big commitment. They are both in their mid-twenties. I don't know, I just don't think anyone should get married by 30. I told her don't sell herself short and quickly jump into a relationship again. Life is good being young and single, enjoy it while you still can.
Do not linger. The whole "let's just be friends thing" never works until you are completely detached. Read "The Science of Romance: Why We Love".
When I break up with someone, I stop all contacts with the person for at least 3 months. This has nothing to do with anger (unless he did something very disrespectful that you wouldn't normally do to even just a friend, and that I have zero tolerance), it's just that by constantly connecting with the person (thru IMs, Facebook, Twitter, or any social networks you two are connected to each other) won't give you any chance to really step back and think through things and heal. I am friends with almost all my exes now after having the "space" I (or both of us) wanted after the breakup.
Move on QUICKLY. Sulking and mourning at home won't help if you knew deep down inside that it's not going to work, and I truly believe that you have given your best in the relationship. So stop keep asking yourself - would things have been different had I done/not done that. I admit that I am impatient on relationships that don't show prospects. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and 6-8 weeks are usually good enough time to see if it's worth awhile. For those of you who know me well, when things don't work out, I move on FAST. I know it's easier said than done. I didn't turn out to be like this realistic without some significant amount of "training". And I am definitely still not "heartache-proof".
Lastly, please read "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives". Not a fan of Dr. Laura but those are the ideas that I tend to agree with.
Talk therapy helps, so don't stop calling me when you need to, girlfriends. And you were there for me when I needed.
On my way home one evening, I was listening to NPR about a college student who started a project called "What would you say to your 20-year-old self?" - she asked mature women (in their 30s and 40s) to write a letter to their 20-year-old selves.
I just had a birthday two weeks ago, and it's time for a self-reflection again. I am inspired by this project and decided to write a letter to my 20-year-old self too. And I hope this is therapeutic.
Dear Elsa at 20,
Please always follow your heart. I understand growing up in Asia you inherited the "group think" mentality. You do whatever others think is the right thing to do. You are bored out of your mind when studying accounting and management theories that don't make sense at that time, but you still majored in business because all your girlfriends are preparing for the CPA.
Please don't take shortcuts. I know you are so broke in college because your parents don't pay a penny for your education, but you could have gotten into a better university. You chose the not-so-good one in Toronto because it's closer to the city so you can bartend to support yourself and it offers a shorter program. You will end up not enjoying school at all. You will take a year off from work, cash out all your stocks from Google, and went to a very good school to study psychology. However, that year will be time very well spent.
Living in Montreal for two years shapes who you are; the food, the fashion, and the beautiful French culture and language make you a person with good taste. Learn some French even though you are still struggling with English. You will enjoy conversations with the Parisian more when you go to in France a few years later.
Going through quarter-life crisis was daunting, but it teaches you how to make rational decisions in the future without hesitating and ruminating stuff for too long. Take risks with the right reason and deal with the consequences later. Money and security are less important than valuable experience at this age. You will regret not moving to New York City or London when you have the chance, but it's never too late, that thought comes back when you are in your 30s. You waited 10 years to move closer to San Francisco, but you will be glad to get out of the suburbia trap.
You will meet a wealthy guy who buys a BMW M3 and Mercedes CLK and let you drive them as if they are yours and pampers you with all kinds of luxuries in life. But, he is a bad news.
You will end up marry someone you love but not totally in love with. You are too young to get married. You will have too much temptations and won't know how to be a good wife in your mid-twenties. Thank god you are still good friends with your ex.
You are spending way too much time being someone's girlfriend till 31.
Don't be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, and no matter how hard you try to be the best girlfriend possible for him, he is still hung up with his exes. He is just not that into you and definitely not worth your tears.
Choose your friends wisely. You will finally learn to be around with people who are responsible, smart, kind, and can be good influences for you.
You need to take care of your health and the genetic issues although they are invisible and not contagious. They paralyze you for many years. You could have been happy much earlier had those issues being taken care of sooner. Stop being overly conscious about your body, you are only 91 lbs from starving yourself before graduation.
I am very proud of you because you are adventurous and a world traveler. You always meet local people and be friends with them even though you don't speak their language. Thank you for being open-minded and choosing America to be your permanent home. You love and enjoy the cultural diversity and the beautiful nature in California, and you will date men and meet friends from all over the world.
I am glad you are very financially responsible. Growing up having parents who are completely clueless with money taught you that. You will be glad being debt free and able to pay off half of your apartment by 35. It's good that you are never into designer purses and stop obsessing about fancy sport cars at some point.
Hey, you haven't found your greatest love yet, but don't lose hope. He will come. :)
This year, every single one of your exes sent you warm birthday wishes by phone, emails, or Facebook message of some sorts. I guess you are not that bad of a partner after all.
Love,
Elsa in her 30s
"It was almost like a closure — 'I know you made mistakes, I know your 20s were hard, but things are good now and I'm going to let these things go,' " - Cassie Boorn
3:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, [1] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; [2] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Singledom is awesome. Being happily single also means you are independent and self-sufficient emotionally. People who have been single for long have a hard time getting into a relationship again even they finally find their special someone. Here are the signs (and challenges) that show you have been single for too long.
1. You can't share a bed. You really like the person and cuddling with him/her, but somehow you just can't easily fall asleep sharing bed even with your best friend of the same sex.
2. It's super sweet to hold hands and show PDA (Public Display of Affection), but it just seems a bit unnatural for now.
3. You feel weird when your partner always picks up the tabs (esp if you are a girl), because you are used to splitting bills with friends.
4. You can't keep the same walking pace with your new partner because you usually walk fast (or slow) alone, or walk with a group of friends when everyone walks different pace so it doesn't matter.
5. You check in Foursquare more often than to your new partner (This will be me...).
