Here are the scenarios -
Girlfriend #1 - Broke up with a guy she was seeing for months and she knew that it wasn't working out because she wasn't into him. He sensed that and called it off. She is sad.
My response: You knew it, it's not going anywhere but you are shocked because of the sudden detachment. It is more of a pride thing because you weren't the first to break it off. Over time you will realize it's a right thing to do. He probably had grown on you and was in love you. You love him but you are not in love with him. You will not be happy in the long run.
Girlfriend #2 - Obsessed with a guy but he told you that you guys are not a good fit with some ridiculous reasons such as - "oh, you are older than me", and "we are so different" (ie. I am Jewish and you are not; I am Buddhist and you are Catholic etc.). Geez, do we still live in the 19th century? I have met that guy and yes, he is charming, but you are gorgeous, smart, and seasoned. Why would you want to compromise to a shit head like that? He only calls/texts you when he needs help from you. Don't you get it?!
My response: You have so much to offer, why would you settle for less?! Men abuse women (both physically and mentally) only when we allow them to.
Girlfriend #3 - They had some great time together but the quarrels overtime worn the relationship down. It took her a long time to heal, and recently she ran into him on the street with a women they both know. She was shocked and that somewhat brought her back to square one on the healing process. This is a new friend of mine and I feel really connected to her so I feel sad about it too. :(
My response: It is obviously not meant to be and he is lack of the maturity (based on her description about him) you want in a guy.
Never go out of your way to please a man unless he has already done so to you. We know how to love, but we need to learn to do that only for the right person. It has to be a two-way street.
Girlfriend #4 - Her guy broke off the engagement. It is normal to feel devastated. I have no doubt that he still loves her deeply, but it is obvious that he is not ready for such a big commitment. They are both in their mid-twenties. I don't know, I just don't think anyone should get married by 30. I told her don't sell herself short and quickly jump into a relationship again. Life is good being young and single, enjoy it while you still can.
Do not linger. The whole "let's just be friends thing" never works until you are completely detached. Read "The Science of Romance: Why We Love".
When I break up with someone, I stop all contacts with the person for at least 3 months. This has nothing to do with anger (unless he did something very disrespectful that you wouldn't normally do to even just a friend, and that I have zero tolerance), it's just that by constantly connecting with the person (thru IMs, Facebook, Twitter, or any social networks you two are connected to each other) won't give you any chance to really step back and think through things and heal. I am friends with almost all my exes now after having the "space" I (or both of us) wanted after the breakup.
Move on QUICKLY. Sulking and mourning at home won't help if you knew deep down inside that it's not going to work, and I truly believe that you have given your best in the relationship. So stop keep asking yourself - would things have been different had I done/not done that. I admit that I am impatient on relationships that don't show prospects. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and 6-8 weeks are usually good enough time to see if it's worth awhile. For those of you who know me well, when things don't work out, I move on FAST. I know it's easier said than done. I didn't turn out to be like this realistic without some significant amount of "training". And I am definitely still not "heartache-proof".
Lastly, please read "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives". Not a fan of Dr. Laura but those are the ideas that I tend to agree with.
Talk therapy helps, so don't stop calling me when you need to, girlfriends. And you were there for me when I needed.
